The Escapades of a Domesticated Suburbanite

Hello, dear reader. You may be wondering what the hell I’ve been up to for the past few months.  Well, I’ve been in California trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life.  The day-to-day of that looks pretty boring; breakfast and coffee, workout, a few episodes of whatever tv show I’m into that moment, lots of musing, intermittent internet job searches, cook dinner, rinse and repeat.  A domesticated suburbanite, if you will.  I’m definitely not in the place I was hoping for at this point, but I still take the time to be grateful that I am in the situation that I am in (loving family, positive attitude, place to live etc.).  But in the meantime, I’ve been FUNemployed!

Since returning home from Europe, I’ve spent time in San Francisco, Napa Valley, Las Vegas, Lake Havasu, and I took my grandpa’s ’79 Corvette (well, if we’re getting technical, I’m on the title, so it’s psuedo-mine) on a road trip up California’s beautiful and scenic Highway 1 from the Orange Country area to Berkeley and back. I really should have been writing about this stuff as it was happening, because I’m not going to lie, it was pretty awesome. But we must remember I’m a huge slacker.

Anyway, about two months ago my dear friend Katie is awesome, and asked me to join her in Vegas to celebrate her passing her nursing boards like a boss.  Not one to pass up a reunion or shenanigans, I agreed.  Her friend Casey joined us for the weekend, but Katie and I were there for a week.  Let’s preface this story by saying a week is entirely too long for someone to visit Las Vegas.  It’s a miracle that my liver survived the week, but I’m convinced that if I can survive a week in Vegas, I can get through anything!

Casey, Katie and me.

From the top of the Rio. Don’t go here if you want to live.

On our first night we went to a club at the top of the Rio that I will never go to again.  On our way down to make our way back to the hotel, the elevator got stuck.  With about 13 people in it.  For an hour.  At 4 in the morning.  In Vegas in AUGUST.  It was the hottest and sweatiest thing ever. Hotter than hot yoga.

Way too many strangers in an enclosed space.

Me so pretty.

There was one guy in the elevator that kept prying open the inner door of the elevator and trying to open the outer door to get airflow.  We were stuck between floors, and once I read this story about a person that died trying to climb out of an elevator that was stuck like that because when they were halfway out, the elevator slipped down and they were cut in half.  So I kept telling him that if the elevator moved he would get his arm chopped off and it would be a total Tarantino movie in that elevator, but he wouldn’t listen to me.  Later, the firemen yelled at him for doing that. VINDICATION!!

Anyway, after escaping the death trap, management told us that it was our fault the elevator got stuck because there was too many people on it, which is total B.S.  I’m not a math genius, but an average elevator has a capacity of 3000-3500 lbs, divided by 13 people, each person would have to weigh more than 230. Now, a lady never reveals her weigh, but that elevator was filled with mostly skinny bitches (Katie, I’m talking to you), so it’s kind of a stretch for me.  Anyway, they gave us a free water. Whoopedy doo. I hate the Rio and I’ll never go back (unless it’s free).

While there, we saw The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s play at the Cosmo pool, and Karen O is such a badass.  She rocked a gold sequin blazer all night while jumping around like a wild woman.  It was rad.  The venue there is really awesome as well, and tickets are relatively cheap- about $36 bucks.  Downside? Drinks are like $15… sooo… boo.

Sunrise at the Cosmo.

We also met some crazy characters, as per usual, especially this group of Aussies.  We lost one Aussie for about 30 minutes, and when we found him again, he was extremely intoxicated and ended up faceplanting in the middle of the casino at the Cosmo.  Definitely a highlight of my life.

The Faceplanter

Not sure what is going on here, but it’s magical. And probably unsanitary.

I’m sure he’d be super proud of himself if he knew that he’d made it onto a random American girl’s blog.

Besides partying entirely too much, we also managed to have some incredibly delicious meals at the Cosmo. Pizza, tapas, burgers and alcoholic milkshakes, McDonald’s at 6 am.  You name it, we ate it.  And then some gambling and clubbing action as well.  It was seriously a great week.

$71, the most money I’ve made in 2013.

Butts. And boobs. WIn.

Hipster Katie.

Giant cowboy hat, giant sunglasses, and a Burt Reynolds look alike. It’s funny.

And the fun doesn’t end! Tomorrow, I jump in my car to meet my amiga for another Vegas trip! Catch you later, reader friends, let’s pray for my survival!